For quite a long time I struggled with the issue of forgiveness - I mean complete, total, unreserved, unconditional & honest forgiveness. My defense - I've been wronged so I have every right to be as angry as I want and for as long as I want, for months even. Trust me, the many sermons on forgiveness were not making sense because I wasn't understanding how God expects me to just forgive someone who has wronged me and shows no trace of remorse or even being sorry. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't an entirely unforgiving person - it's one thing to forgive someone who recognizes they've hurt you and apologizes & it's an entirely different ballgame forgiving someone who hurt you and isn't bothered. They may have hurt you unknowingly or even done something that to them isn't much of a big deal but for you, it hurts you to the core.
My turning point came when I realized I had turned into this bitter and irritable person because of some individual I was carrying around in my heart like some important never-leave-behind-luggage. I was feeling so entitled to being angry that in my little world, I had created a special corner for this person where I stored all the bile and venom I felt towards them & trust me I made it so easily accessible to the extent that their mere presence would send me into a fit of rage. This went on for a while until one time in church while listening to one of the numerous forgiveness sermons I was used to, the Holy Spirit rebuked me seriously. The Holy Spirit took me back to the many times I had gone astray and made major blunders but God still accepted me back and forgave me. I was reminded of Matthew 6:14 - 15 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins".
Trust me, I had heard this verse so many times but this particular day it sounded so heavy and real. That day after the sermon the passie made a call to all those holding onto unforgiveness to let it go and let God wash away the hurt and start a new chapter. I knew that I couldn't pass up the opportunity because this "luggage" I was carrying around wasn't doing me any good. I decided to let it go. Drop it unconditionally. I walked out of service so much lighter and happier. From that day, my journey to being a complete forgiver started. I am not going to lie to you that it was easy because I can assure you it wasn't. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit though it became easier as time went by. As if to check if I was serious with my resolve, there were instances where I was tested seriously. Good news is I am still strong in my resolve and each day it gets better and better.
You may ask, does forgiveness happen automatically? Well, no. As much as I would wish it was like "pesa pap", there is nothing like forgiveness pap. Before we get started on the how, first thing you need to realize is that forgiving one who has hurt is for your own good. It keeps your heart from being poisoned by anger/rage/resentment. It is vital to guard your heart as Proverbs 4:23 says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Imagine a heart full of bitterness and grudges, how will your life be? Talking from experience, waking up each day feeding on anger and resentment isn't healthy.
You also need to have it in mind that forgiveness is a personal journey. We are all different and just because you struggle to forgive doesn't make you a bad person. Take your journey and enjoy every moment because I can assure you, it is possible to come to full forgiveness. Many are the times you will stumble and fall but get up, dust off and keep moving.
Here are some practical steps I found helpful in my journey:
1. Make a DECISION. Yes, you read right. You have the freedom to choose whether you want to forgive or not. It doesn't happen overnight or automatically. It is a properly thought out step that you take. Think about what wrong has been done and process your feelings and reactions then make a decision to forgive.
2. Depend on GOD. As I said earlier, forgiveness is a journey that is full of its share of ups & downs and most times difficult and you cannot do it on your own. God can give you the grace to go through. 2nd Corinthians 12: 9 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Thing with depending on God is that you recognize and acknowledge that on your own you can't hack it. God will give you strength to go one day a time and His mercies are new every morning.
3. Deal with your EMOTIONS. This really helps as you are able to process the feelings resulting from being hurt. Let's not pretend, when someone hurts you and you make a decision to forgive it doesn't necessarily mean that you will be spared the emotional rollercoaster that comes with being hurt. It is usually a cocktail of emotions - you may feel angry, disappointed, vengeance et al but the difference is you have made a resolve to let go and move on.
4. HEAL. Letting go of hurt is a huge task but it is very do-able. Daily commit your hurting heart to God and ask Him to renew you and wipe away the hurt. There are days which will be worse than others and you will feel like jumping off the forgiveness wagon but press on. Psalms 34:18 " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
5. Lastly if you can, approach the person who hurt you and tell them you forgive them. This may be the hardest thing you will ever do but very worth it. Most times, you may be faced with the decision of either cutting off links with the person or you rebuilding the connection. In case you find it difficult to reconnect, move on. Forgive and forget.
As you commence your forgiveness journey, may this song by Solomon Mukubwa bless you. It just embodies what forgiveness is all about.
God Bless.
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Many at times when it comes forgiveness, you may find yourself at a crossroad.
The dilemma of whether to forgive or not.
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Trust me, I had heard this verse so many times but this particular day it sounded so heavy and real. That day after the sermon the passie made a call to all those holding onto unforgiveness to let it go and let God wash away the hurt and start a new chapter. I knew that I couldn't pass up the opportunity because this "luggage" I was carrying around wasn't doing me any good. I decided to let it go. Drop it unconditionally. I walked out of service so much lighter and happier. From that day, my journey to being a complete forgiver started. I am not going to lie to you that it was easy because I can assure you it wasn't. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit though it became easier as time went by. As if to check if I was serious with my resolve, there were instances where I was tested seriously. Good news is I am still strong in my resolve and each day it gets better and better.
You may ask, does forgiveness happen automatically? Well, no. As much as I would wish it was like "pesa pap", there is nothing like forgiveness pap. Before we get started on the how, first thing you need to realize is that forgiving one who has hurt is for your own good. It keeps your heart from being poisoned by anger/rage/resentment. It is vital to guard your heart as Proverbs 4:23 says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Imagine a heart full of bitterness and grudges, how will your life be? Talking from experience, waking up each day feeding on anger and resentment isn't healthy.
You also need to have it in mind that forgiveness is a personal journey. We are all different and just because you struggle to forgive doesn't make you a bad person. Take your journey and enjoy every moment because I can assure you, it is possible to come to full forgiveness. Many are the times you will stumble and fall but get up, dust off and keep moving.
Here are some practical steps I found helpful in my journey:
1. Make a DECISION. Yes, you read right. You have the freedom to choose whether you want to forgive or not. It doesn't happen overnight or automatically. It is a properly thought out step that you take. Think about what wrong has been done and process your feelings and reactions then make a decision to forgive.
Thing with depending on God is that you recognize and acknowledge that on your own you can't hack it. God will give you strength to go one day a time and His mercies are new every morning.
3. Deal with your EMOTIONS. This really helps as you are able to process the feelings resulting from being hurt. Let's not pretend, when someone hurts you and you make a decision to forgive it doesn't necessarily mean that you will be spared the emotional rollercoaster that comes with being hurt. It is usually a cocktail of emotions - you may feel angry, disappointed, vengeance et al but the difference is you have made a resolve to let go and move on.
4. HEAL. Letting go of hurt is a huge task but it is very do-able. Daily commit your hurting heart to God and ask Him to renew you and wipe away the hurt. There are days which will be worse than others and you will feel like jumping off the forgiveness wagon but press on. Psalms 34:18 " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
5. Lastly if you can, approach the person who hurt you and tell them you forgive them. This may be the hardest thing you will ever do but very worth it. Most times, you may be faced with the decision of either cutting off links with the person or you rebuilding the connection. In case you find it difficult to reconnect, move on. Forgive and forget.
As you commence your forgiveness journey, may this song by Solomon Mukubwa bless you. It just embodies what forgiveness is all about.
God Bless.