"People come and people go. That's life. Stop holding on to people that have let you go."
Getting dumped is usually the last thing on your mind when you get into a new relationship. I'm sure you'd avoid relationships like a plague if only you could get a peak into the future and see that your behind is gonna get dumped; right!! Thing is, life happens and you may find yourself in Dumpsville. At times you may see it coming but most times it catches you off guard. If you see #DumpsvilleAirlines in the horizon, chances are that you will have time to pack your bags and when you touchdown you will be sorted but when you don't see it coming - you are left confused and cannot figure out how/where/when & why it happened.
Let's face it though, whether you see it coming or not, Dumpsville is not the best place to reside. Also, just cause you could tell that you are for sure getting dumped doesn't mean it will hurt any less. The emotional roller coaster of dealing with a broken heart can either leave you broken & damaged or it can leave you stronger. Good news is - only you are responsible for the outcome. You can decide how you want to live and eventually move out of Dumpsville. The faster you decide you are not going to let it put you down, the faster it will take to mend that broken heart. Whatever you do, purpose to learn from the experience no matter how painful it is. Once you move out of Dumpsville, the lessons will definitely come in handy in your next relationship.
Embrace The Healing Process: They say Rome was not built in a day and so is your just ended relationship. It took days, weeks, months & probably years to build it. It would be foolhardy for you to expect that you will get over that in a day {which unfortunately most of us want}. Just as you put in work to establish and build that relationship, you will need to put in work to get through Dumpsville. Sometimes it's easier to pretend that you are strong even when your heart has been shattered into millions of pieces. If you are like me who falls in this category, it is well. I have this bad habit of putting up a strong front & wearing a big smile even when inside I'm broken & shattered into millions of tiny pieces. I however had to learn the art of releasing those emotions cause left inside, they poison the heart and make you a bitter person. Sweetheart, ain't nothing wrong with letting a trusted confidant see you broken, see your pain & tears. Embrace the healing process cause with every single step of the way, you get closer to healing that broken heart. Allow yourself a chance to "mourn" the relationship, let your heart feel the raw emotions & let them out. If you need to cry/sob/wail, go right ahead and do it. Gerard Way was so on point when he said "tears are the words the heart cannot express". As you feel the warm tears rush down your face, I assure you that you will sense a great relief cause the tears carry with them the pain you are feeling inside. Now, you may find it therapeutic crying yourself to sleep the first few weeks/months and I can assure it gets better with time. Once you are done with the cry-fest, wipe those tears, put on your Big-Gal-Pants and continue with the healing process.
Let Go: I will not lie to you. One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do while in Dumpsville is the conscious decision to 'Let Go'. Sweet memories of your time together as a couple will provide a comfort zone and it will seem much easier to hold on to them, deluding yourself that your former partner will come back. The memories will of course take time before they fade away but don't allow yourself to be constantly drawn to seek solace from them. One of the things I struggled with a lot when I found myself in Dumpsville is letting go of souvenirs & whats app chats telling each other "sweet nothings" lol. I know there is a lot of difference in opinion on what to do with the gifts, your photos together, the letters, SMSes & Whats app messages. Personally, I believe in getting rid of everything!!! Burn the letters, delete the SMSes/Whatsapp Messages, photos and anything else that may remind you of your time together. It may seem cruel but it plays a huge part in helping you to let go. When you have no point of reference or something that reminds you of your former partner, it is so much easier.
"It hurts to let go, to say goodbye for the final time and remain distant in your closure. It may even tear your heart out to the point of insanity; but somehow in it all you find the pieces of your worth and you start creating yourself again and in that journey of transformation you find the essence of what truly matters, inner happiness. It's life, we all fall at some stage but its up to you to decide how long you want to stay there", Nikki Rowe.
Get A Support System: What I am about to write may sound really mean but it is the truth - getting dumped is not the end of the world. Remember that you are not the first neither will you be the last resident to move into Dumpsville. Others have been there, survived & eventually moved out so brace yourself for your stay and make the best out of your time there. Surround yourself with trusted friends who can help you through. Don't pretend that you are strong and don't need any support, chances are that you will go crazy and in extreme cases you may slip into depression. Be careful though not to surround yourself with "I told you so" kinda friends - these are the type that will keep rubbing it in that they warned you to run for the hills when they "saw" trouble. The right kind of support system is a rare gem, they will understand you, be there to talk when you need to talk, listen when you need to rant & also knock some sense into your head when you are way off the mark. An even more precious gem is someone who once resided in Dumpsville cause they understand exactly how you feel & will try as much as possible to help you through.
Avoid Pity Parties: Let me just tell you for free - Pity partying in Dumpsville will be the end of you. If you are in the mood for a party, you can try a pajama party, dance party, cake fest party or any other....just steer clear of the pity party a'ight!!! Feeling sorry for yourself cause you got dumped will not reverse your residency in Dumpsville, it will only make you a miserable person. Remember that an ended relationship does not diminish your value as a person,no matter who was on the wrong - avoid beating yourself down and blaming yourself for how things turned out. Most times, pity parties usually end up as male-bashing-fests {which btw, I'm totally against}. Don't be drawn into playing for #TeamMaleBashing; your ex may have done you wrong dumping your behind but that is not an indictment on the entire male species. Just cause things did not work out between you two does not make him a bad person, neither does it make you a bad person. Chances are that once you move out of Dumpsville, some knight in shining armor will try drop lines your way & you don't want all the negative things you filled your head with about men get in the way of a happily ever after, do you?
Cut Yourself Some Slack: Don't be too hard on yourself. As you move into Dumpsville you need to be fully aware that some days will be extremely difficult while others will be easy peasy. On the difficult days you will need all your strength to get through - you will barely have the strength to get out of bed/take a shower or even eat & the pain in your heart will be unbearable - you will cry yourself an ocean. On the difficult days, you may feel like you are back to square one - having made 2 steps forward & 70 steps backwards. Don't be hard on yourself. If you can't seem to stop thinking of your happier memories, it's ok relax - time will sort that out; if you have gotten through the cry spell phase and one day you wake up and can't stop crying, it's ok; if you keep scrolling to his name on your phone book & drafting a text to say how sorry you are and want him back, it's ok; if you can't get rid of the gifts/smses/whatsapp messages just yet, its ok. Cut yourself some slack. It will get better with time. "Don't be so damn hard on yourself. Yeah you screwed up, you're not perfect, fine. Learn from it but don't punish yourself. Be kind to you, even when you screw up. You'll bounce back eventually. You'l make up for it", Stephanie Klein.
Celebrate Small Victories: It helps to have some sort of "Reward Scheme" for yourself while in Dumpsville. Develop a habit of patting yourself on the back when you successfully get through one step of the healing process. Celebrate small victories like going through an entire without having memories flash through your mind or getting through a day cry-free :-). Personally, I'm a CF - #CertifiedFoodie, so you can imagine what my reward scheme looks like LOL. While residing in Dumpsville I would constantly treat myself to some yummy Chips Masala, Bhajias & some grilled steak {Your guess is as good as mine, by the time I was moving out, I had obviously piled on some kilos lol}. I also find shoe shopping very therapeutic so for every major milestone I achieved in healing my kabroken heart I would indulge in some shoe shopping spree :-). Be your biggest cheerleader cause as you learn to celebrate the little milestones, you appreciate how you have come in the healing process & that gives you the strength to keep moving.
"Look for small victories and build on that. Each small victory, even if it is just getting up five minutes earlier gives you confidence. You realize that these little victories will make you feel great, and you keep going. You realize that being paralyzed by fear of failure is worse than failure", Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Pray: Above all, remember to contact Big Guy up there. He understands what you are going through. He created and knit together that heart that has been broken and you best believe He has a manual on how to get it back in shape. Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit". Rest in the knowledge that God will carry you through and you will emerge victorious. This is not the time to pray those long superficial prayers but the time to just be honest & raw before God. Let Him in on your deepest pain & regret and allow the Holy Spirit to comfort you and experience His healing power as He makes you whole :-).
Dumpsville is not the best place to reside in but your experience there doesn't have to be one that will break you and leave you damaged. Life is beautiful so I encourage you to purpose to embrace each moment and take as many lessons as you can. I'd love to finish off with this quote from Shannon L. Alder which i find very introspective. "Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you. However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn't learn a thing. God doesn't bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it."
Embrace The Healing Process: They say Rome was not built in a day and so is your just ended relationship. It took days, weeks, months & probably years to build it. It would be foolhardy for you to expect that you will get over that in a day {which unfortunately most of us want}. Just as you put in work to establish and build that relationship, you will need to put in work to get through Dumpsville. Sometimes it's easier to pretend that you are strong even when your heart has been shattered into millions of pieces. If you are like me who falls in this category, it is well. I have this bad habit of putting up a strong front & wearing a big smile even when inside I'm broken & shattered into millions of tiny pieces. I however had to learn the art of releasing those emotions cause left inside, they poison the heart and make you a bitter person. Sweetheart, ain't nothing wrong with letting a trusted confidant see you broken, see your pain & tears. Embrace the healing process cause with every single step of the way, you get closer to healing that broken heart. Allow yourself a chance to "mourn" the relationship, let your heart feel the raw emotions & let them out. If you need to cry/sob/wail, go right ahead and do it. Gerard Way was so on point when he said "tears are the words the heart cannot express". As you feel the warm tears rush down your face, I assure you that you will sense a great relief cause the tears carry with them the pain you are feeling inside. Now, you may find it therapeutic crying yourself to sleep the first few weeks/months and I can assure it gets better with time. Once you are done with the cry-fest, wipe those tears, put on your Big-Gal-Pants and continue with the healing process.
Get A Support System: What I am about to write may sound really mean but it is the truth - getting dumped is not the end of the world. Remember that you are not the first neither will you be the last resident to move into Dumpsville. Others have been there, survived & eventually moved out so brace yourself for your stay and make the best out of your time there. Surround yourself with trusted friends who can help you through. Don't pretend that you are strong and don't need any support, chances are that you will go crazy and in extreme cases you may slip into depression. Be careful though not to surround yourself with "I told you so" kinda friends - these are the type that will keep rubbing it in that they warned you to run for the hills when they "saw" trouble. The right kind of support system is a rare gem, they will understand you, be there to talk when you need to talk, listen when you need to rant & also knock some sense into your head when you are way off the mark. An even more precious gem is someone who once resided in Dumpsville cause they understand exactly how you feel & will try as much as possible to help you through.
Cut Yourself Some Slack: Don't be too hard on yourself. As you move into Dumpsville you need to be fully aware that some days will be extremely difficult while others will be easy peasy. On the difficult days you will need all your strength to get through - you will barely have the strength to get out of bed/take a shower or even eat & the pain in your heart will be unbearable - you will cry yourself an ocean. On the difficult days, you may feel like you are back to square one - having made 2 steps forward & 70 steps backwards. Don't be hard on yourself. If you can't seem to stop thinking of your happier memories, it's ok relax - time will sort that out; if you have gotten through the cry spell phase and one day you wake up and can't stop crying, it's ok; if you keep scrolling to his name on your phone book & drafting a text to say how sorry you are and want him back, it's ok; if you can't get rid of the gifts/smses/whatsapp messages just yet, its ok. Cut yourself some slack. It will get better with time. "Don't be so damn hard on yourself. Yeah you screwed up, you're not perfect, fine. Learn from it but don't punish yourself. Be kind to you, even when you screw up. You'll bounce back eventually. You'l make up for it", Stephanie Klein.
Celebrate Small Victories: It helps to have some sort of "Reward Scheme" for yourself while in Dumpsville. Develop a habit of patting yourself on the back when you successfully get through one step of the healing process. Celebrate small victories like going through an entire without having memories flash through your mind or getting through a day cry-free :-). Personally, I'm a CF - #CertifiedFoodie, so you can imagine what my reward scheme looks like LOL. While residing in Dumpsville I would constantly treat myself to some yummy Chips Masala, Bhajias & some grilled steak {Your guess is as good as mine, by the time I was moving out, I had obviously piled on some kilos lol}. I also find shoe shopping very therapeutic so for every major milestone I achieved in healing my kabroken heart I would indulge in some shoe shopping spree :-). Be your biggest cheerleader cause as you learn to celebrate the little milestones, you appreciate how you have come in the healing process & that gives you the strength to keep moving.
Pray: Above all, remember to contact Big Guy up there. He understands what you are going through. He created and knit together that heart that has been broken and you best believe He has a manual on how to get it back in shape. Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit". Rest in the knowledge that God will carry you through and you will emerge victorious. This is not the time to pray those long superficial prayers but the time to just be honest & raw before God. Let Him in on your deepest pain & regret and allow the Holy Spirit to comfort you and experience His healing power as He makes you whole :-).
Dumpsville is not the best place to reside in but your experience there doesn't have to be one that will break you and leave you damaged. Life is beautiful so I encourage you to purpose to embrace each moment and take as many lessons as you can. I'd love to finish off with this quote from Shannon L. Alder which i find very introspective. "Forget what hurt you in the past, but never forget what it taught you. However, if it taught you to hold onto grudges, seek revenge, not forgive or show compassion, to categorize people as good or bad, to distrust and be guarded with your feelings then you didn't learn a thing. God doesn't bring you lessons to close your heart. He brings you lessons to open it."