So I finally got around to reading The Wait by Hollywood's cutest couple Devon Franklin & Meagan Good {#CuteKidsAlert}. If you have not, kindly grab a copy and indulge...it's a very interesting & honestly raw read. As I read through the book, I kept thinking to myself - is waiting/celibacy before marriage over-rated?, is it even possible to wait?, why wait?, among other random thoughts that I felt I needed to blog about. So here we go.
Disclaimer: Whatever thoughts expressed herein are MY OWN personal opinions coupled with Bible Verses here & there and is no way an attempt to play Moral Police so let's keep our fingers off the trigger a'ight :-).
We are living in very perilous times, so many sexual innuendos around us - from billboards to TV commercials {we all remember that cooking oil ad, yeah *wink*}, magazine spreads and don't even get me started on the numerous soap operas that have over time become such a favorite of the local TV stations. With all these, you may wonder is it even possible for a young person to maintain sexual purity? {FYI, Sexual Purity goes beyond waiting to jump the broom & into marriage - staying within the confines of marriage, no extra marital affairs}. I'm gonna be honest with you, I do empathize with today's young people cause the challenges they face are not the same we faced during my time . I remember growing up in the 80's/90's, we were not allowed anywhere near programs like Lady of the Rose, Bold & the Beautiful, Young & Restless & several others - "zinaonyesha tabia mbaya"- was the answer we got when we insisted on wanting to watch them.
When I got a bit older {in my teens}, I got curious and I wanted to see what this "tabia mbaya" looked like LOL. One night I sneaked back to the sitting room when the adults had retired to bed and watched the Bold. Needless to say, I was bored by the long conversations that characterized it and save for a few kissing scenes, there was nothing tabia mbayarish there lol. {I guess the adults figured kissing was a major crime lol}. Bottom line, current day soap operas make these others look like child's play. Simply put, they got nothing on them :D.
With the ever growing number of temptations making it harder by the day to maintain sexual purity, do you reckon it is possible to wait? Well for me, I would say a very BOLD YES!!!! How you ask? Stick around and you'll get to find out in just a bit :-), first though watch the video below of Meagan & Devon responding to a question from their audience :-).
"Celibacy is never involuntary, it's always the result of a conscious, deliberate choice". Given, The Wait is no walk in the park but it can be done and it always starts somewhere. Come along, lets explore
Commitment: Devon responds to the audience question of how they disciplined themselves to wait by saying he had made a Commitment to celibacy way before he even met and started dating Meagan. That is where the goldmine is....choosing to make a commitment. It has to be a decision that you make with no pressure. I know there are many conversations around as to how impossible it is wait until marriage but Luke 1:37 assures "Nothing is impossible with God". If you leave out God in this commitment equation, the road will be rough. In addition, think of what your motivating factors are. Do you want to wait coz its trendy?, is there a higher purpose you want to pursue that is motivating you to wait?, do you want to wait to honor God? etc. Find and define the motivation behind your decision to wait and commit to the Lord. Psalms 37:5 "Commit your ways to the Lord, Trust in Him and He will do it". As a couple, once you decide that you want to hold off the cookie until you walk down the aisle, take practical steps towards making The Wait possible.
Boundaries. I can see y'all rolling your eyes while reading this next one but it is important to set boundaries in any relationship - romantic or otherwise. Boundaries are the only way to have healthy relationships. A certain Pastor I love usually makes this comment in relation to setting boundaries in relationships - 'these our bodies no be firewood" - simply means, we are not made of firewood that feels nothing even if set on fire. This blood that runs through our veins can easily hit boiling point despite the strongest of commitments. Set practical boundaries though, don't be too ambitious setting unrealistic boundaries that you will not be able to adhere to.
Be Intentional. Commitment - Check/ Boundaries - Check....and then what? I'm glad you asked, coz you have to be intentional about practicing The Wait. Don't get yourself into situations which you know will make you compromise. Another important thing that Devon mentions in his response in the above video is - knowing yourself and identifying your triggers. Once you identify this, you need to intentionally work towards dealing with them before they lead you to breaking your commitment. For instance, if you know holding your partner's hand transmits 'thitima' and gives you ideas, keep off that hand a'ight LOL.
Communication. It is important from the onset of a relationship to communicate clearly and be open to your partner & ensure you are on the same page - that you don't intend to get jiggy before jumping the broom. Don't assume just coz you have made that commitment, your partner has. A common narrative I've come across while talking to ladies is the assumption that the born-again, bible quoting, spirit filled brothers they meet in church are all about waiting till marriage. Sweetheart, he may be all that but still struggling to keep it zipped till marriage. Don't assume, have open & honest communication and let him know of your commitment & thoughts. Likewise for the brothers, don't assume just coz those pretty ladies are in church leading worship every Sunday morning, quoting the bible, are Spirit filled, demon chasing & heaven bound that they are keeping the cookie jar tightly closed till marriage.
Prayer. This is such an integral part of this entire journey - it is the foundation and should be the center of walking in sexual purity because without it, things can get really thick & messy. So exactly what is the place of prayer in "The Wait"? Praying helps you to recognize that on your own, you will fail miserable thus you need God and more so the Holy Spirit to guide you. Be confident that as you ask the Lord to give you strength to practice "The Wait" He hears you and will carry you through.
John 14:13-14 "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it".
1 John 5:14-15 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us". And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him".
It may be difficult but you can stand and be counted as a remnant. I believe that God is raising up a remnant for Himself that will stand by His word and declare that - "Yes, the entire universe may be getting jiggy with it but I'mma keep the cookie jar tightly sealed for hubby and when married I'mma keep 'em cookies only for him" Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
I hope you were not expecting "5 Steps On How To Wait" :D. I cannot over - emphasize the fact that "The Wait" is a very personal journey we all have to take as individuals & eventually together with our partners. What works for one person may not necessarily work for the other but there is a blue print that cuts across the board and that is what I have attempted to address. It is important to have the bible as your guide. I intentionally avoided quoting the verses on "WHY" wait {the ones on sexual immorality et'al} coz I didn't want this post to have condemnation undertones. Romans 8:1-2 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death".
In conclusion, refer to the disclaimer up there as I quote Philippians 4:8 "Finally, believers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God's word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart]"